Saturday, July 9, 2011

When You Stumble Over Yourself




Maybe it’s the start-of-summer slump. Maybe it’s the letdown from busy weeks preceding. Maybe it’s the dread of mounting lists and deadlines, and all the items I could, and really should add to them.

Maybe it’s just me, the only one who feels this way. And I shouldn’t feel this way, and that makes me feel worse.

And I know I must fight feeling with feeling, but the scales are out of balance, the tank is empty.

I keep checking it, wondering where the leak is, but I can’t get perspective to see around and within. And the sad truth haunts me: even if I found the problem, I can’t fix it.

I’m stuck.

And His word comes: “And the grace of our Lord is exceedingly abundant, with faith and love which are in Christ Jesus.”

It stings, because I’m not living in that sphere, I’m wallowing in the fumes of my impotent efforts.

It smarts, because God is rich, and I, His child, am stuck in soul-poverty, and it’s my own fault.

It strains, because it stretches my neck up, around, beyond my slough, to the One Who’s with me, above me, victorious.

And in this moment, I must decide: do I reject Him, because I’m so ticked that He can walk in this mire without stumbling, or do I extend pathetic arms to touch His outstretched hands?

To accept Him acknowledges that I’m wrong, and weak, and foolish. I am a beggar. And He is good.

To refuse Him denies His power and my weakness, and sinks me into folly, utterly.

So what’s a soul to do? Surely, the most sensible thing is to struggle out of the slough on the arm of Christ.

Joy is a fight . . . and a celebration. We who belong to Jesus must grip this conundrum, balance the reality of foolish humanity and merciful Providence. We can analyze, scrutinize, test it, but at the end of the day, we must hold it, this amazing grace.

“My eyes are ever toward the LORD, for He shall pluck my feet out of the net.” Psalm 25:15


Photos courtesy of Lauren Carswell

2 comments:

Norfords' Ramblings said...

I guess we all drag our feet though the slough of despond at times. As miserable as it may be, it is not unusual, and is part of life. Why? that's the question; we don't always know.

But to fight feeling with feeling? Even you don't do that as you quote the relevant facts from Scripture about the abundant grace of God.

Just remember, when the slough is deeper and bigger hat we thought, he is there with us, walking with us, trudging thorough the same morass he has been through himself.

You don't have to fight it; just walk silently with Him until He brings you out the other side.

He will!

Sophia said...

Wow. I read that twice. That is exactly where I am right now, in the slough. What a perfect description.

And that choice, to either grab onto Him, grab onto Grace, or keep fighting it out ourselves. Why is that such a hard choice? Why does it have to be made daily, hourly, when in "saner" moments it is perfectly obvious that the only sensible thing to do is let go of ourselves and grab onto God?

Thank for the encouragement. :-)

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